hey, Happy New Year!

i am in 2012 now. wow.. time just flew so fast..

the very beginning question, what have i done in 2011 ? hmm of course many things happened. many things opened my eyes, my mind. i succeed but also failed. the most things i realized about 2011 is i lost my passion. sometimes i lost my direction, the reason why i did those things, i cant control and manage my self, my improvement just so slow. what i wanted just having fun! as far as I remember, i had no plan for 2011. after all i just feel i waste my time for a year.

haha.. well of course i did something good as well.. what are they ?

  1. i finished my 2 semester as master student in my university
  2. i survived from big earthquakes Japan happened on March 11th
  3. i made cake for the first time
  4. i passed level 3 of JLPT
  5. i get so so for toeic test
  6. i have new phone

thank God for everything u gave me. i also have failure things. i know the reason. i have no passion, i cant control my self, or in other word i dont know myself. resolution for 2012 for me starts from

to know, understand my own self

do small targets everyday, dont waste time

work faster, think faster, do everything faster but still safe

honestly i have no enough energy to face everything that have been done in 2012. 2012 is very important year for my future, for my live. i just dont believe i can pass and do that smoothly. i have no confidence because i am not ready.

if i cant change to be better this year, i am sure i’ll get the biggest failure in my whole life. i know, 2012 will give me the biggest challenge in my life. wish me luck my friend.

please, Dia.. get back your confidence, get back your passion. by doing so i am sure you will be better and great!!

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Categories: Woman's Feeling | Leave a comment

Beautiful Santa wanna be

Japan had long weekend started from 23-25 December. yes, long weekend.. while having this long weekend, i realize i got answer for big question. the question is what do you like to do ? Or what kind of thing you are concerned so far ? and my answer is : I want to make my friends,around me, happy.

YES! i love it! I have very nice friends here, in Sendai who celebrate Christmas. honestly I dont fully understand what is the original celebration for Christmas.what I know is when Christmas comes, they gather with all their family members, got gifts from “Santa”, etc etc.

Gambar

let us live happily

I always be a minority member, wherever I am, outside my hometown. I really understand being a minority, but i dont wanna loose from this fact. i accept my minority, i respect majority members, and try to get used to it. actually i have a looot of religion days but unfortunately they are only can be celebrated inside Bali, my hometown. for example I have 3 kinds of big ceremony every 6 months. our big family gathered, cook traditional food, praying, and chit chat. it was like more than years I havent done it. i really understand what is the feeling, lonely, sad, and what you can do just cheer up yourself and have your own time until get bored and the special day is over.

well, i dont want my friends feel the same thing, because I know how it feels. this is the reason why i want to make my friends happy. they are very amazing, they are very kind, and until now i cant do the same thing they did to me. and finally i was thinking about my mission : being a beautiful Santa for my friends! Hahahaha.. well, I turned my brain, what I would do, bla bla bla.. and tadaaa.. I made Brownies   filled by white chocolate. haha..

Gambar

Brownies with white chocolate inside. just get baked

yeah, it isnt look good enough though.. but my friends said it was delicious 🙂 the important receipt is not almond, not white chocolate, but my thankful feeling to have friends like them 🙂  Thank You !!

Gambar

friends just like angle in disguised

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road to become a lady part 1- build self-confidence

i found really nice article about how to become a lady. Lady ? yes, lady without gaga 😀 so btw,  I got an idea, super idea. i am thinking to become a lady. i think it is the time, just before my 24. i talked about lady, but what is lady anyway? based on answer.com, lady is

  • A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behave
  • A well-behaved young girl.

well, the key is well-behaved. and also obviously lady is having strong attractive aura. how can we be well-behaved woman and be an attractive one ? first and very important key is Self Confidence. are you with me ?

Self confidence.. what can I say about this part ? actually i am having a problem tough.. I browsed several homepage and i got very nice article about How To Build Self confidence(source : http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence).  I’ll put the points only

  1. know and accept your weakness, your insecurities, your problem
  2. solve them by having talk with friends, someone who close to you
  3. find your good points
  4. Be thankful, be positive
  5. avoid perfectionism
when you think you can handle something it right, positive aura is around you and giving unseen power to you. but if you think you are not good in that, feel like you will do mistakes even you haven’t started it, failure just right in front of you. or simply way, without confidence, we cant do it right. how can we be an attractive one then?
self confidence crisis still be my first problem when i am inside a new environment. yeah by the way, i have to handle it. i wanna become a lady. at least by knowing  my first challenge i have something to prepare for becoming a lady.
my answer for this challenge is study hard and open my eyes wider by books.
yosh! lets do this!
Categories: Woman's Feeling | Leave a comment

Re-fresh in 23

ahh what happened with me in couple of weeks with that sucks rubbish blog posts?! hey, DIA, wake up! don’t you see life has so much fun things, challenges, and experiences ?

“you always see the bad side of you, and you never been relaxed in facing something challenging. something new, something that NEED you in mature mood”

while I am here, far from Sendai, far from being student (I mean not doing what student should do), I feel like God leads me to be someone, someone that i havent recognized before. let’s say, someone better! I faced what I must face, I enjoy everything, I am in relaxing mood, bla bla bla..

I learned a lot while I am 23. 🙂

Enjoying water Royalty Free Stock Photo

fresh!

Categories: new experiences, Woman's Feeling | 2 Comments

Now on, my condition is having no one to sharing with, or by shortest word, alone. I am having no one when i am facing difficult time in my life. Hahaha.. Well, this is a part of my journey.. This is the challenge!

God loves me, He does! He helps me alot indirectly way. Altough i fell soo tired, no spirit left, no one near me, i still believe, He will gift me something, more wonderful than i can think.

God always beside me, i believe i will become stronger than now!

Categories: new experiences, Woman's Feeling | 1 Comment

unique person, me want.

“just the way you are”

“stay the same”

“don’t be someone else”

who am I ? seriously.. should I introduce about myself to myself as well?

I don’t know who I am. what kind of person I am. what I know is I wanna be better better and better. yeah, it is good, of course. but, when u on your way to be better, i feel like i dont know who I am.

Categories: Woman's Feeling | Leave a comment

I can(‘t) stand, alone

alone, alone, alone, alone…

sometimes i really love my time.. spend it alone by doing whatever i like, whatever i wanna be, without commenting me ( at least i dont hear and i dont wanna hear though).. well, i could answer who am I just from a year ago. just like this song :

I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away

fly to nowhere.. where the wind blow me away..

i am not struggling it.. ohh wind.. just blow me wherever you like, wherever u want me to be at..

i just remembered what my friend said to me and kinda shocked me. i just wanna showed my caring to her, but what she said ?

dont say take care to me. i will do it without u told me. just take care of yourself, because none will take care of you (or let me make it simpler : NONE CARES OF ME.)

yeah, unfortunately that is the truth. i expected someone will show their caring like i do. but, true, none does. it because they even have difficulties in caring theirselves. and after that, I know. I did too much. i dont have to show my caring to others that deep. that’s life DIA.. even i DO have difficulties taking care of myself. stupid me.

i tortured myself ever since. i just realized it now. finally i can enjoy myself after i broke up, after i dont have very close relationship. because i dont have someone to put my attention on his/her.

now i understand why i feel like always being alone.. because i enjoy my loneliness time..

BUT….

i miss the big laugh, i miss the chit chat, i miss gossiping people, i miss my friends. i miss crying in front of them, i miss getting mad in front of them, i miss them all.. all i cant get just by standing alone here, where just only me, my ipod, my laptop, my several japanese books, and my 5watt lamp…

now, what i only can do is face it, and believe those time will come to me on the right moment.

i dont wanna loose. i dont wanna loose. i dont wanna loose.

i dont wanna be a loser.. BIG loser.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!

Categories: Woman's Feeling | Leave a comment

me, made cake.. ?! (impossible became a reality)

helooohaaa everybody.. how is your life going on ? hope u always be blessed! 🙂

btw need a tiring days to find out my words appropriately to be put on here.. ohh okey.. let me tell u later about those days.. let me start from my new experience in kitchen stuff.. I M A D E cake(s). it shows miracles come to me.. alright then, i tell u now. i never ever thought about doing something related to kitchen except my mix-random-taste which are sometimes can be eaten, sometimes had to be eaten! hahaha.. okey.. i got the idea because very reasonable reason.. after i moved to a new apartment, i got very complete and clean pretty kitchen. and one time i saw mixer, and others stuff for making cake. suddenly i got a very surprising idea :

” how about me, try to make a cake?”

what??!!! dont be kidding me, DIA..  (okey stop! this  will be kind of very over-reacting)

everybody can change, rigth? Exactly!

we  learn something new everyday just because we know we will change soon or later.. by learning, we choose to change ourself to be a better person.

(wow i like this quote!originally made by me)

and then i was thinking it should be a very good reason for making it. like a perfect moment, so i cant forget when i made my first cake. suddenly (yes, my life full of spontaneous things) i remember my mom’s bday would be in several weeks after. i couldnt forget her bday ever again! havent i told u guys? i NEVER remembered my lovely mom’s bday BEFORE the day! i used to remember it several weeks after.. haha.. yeah i know i am a very very very bad daughter ever! and the most terrible moment was last year when she called me and just said something that i want to punch myself after that! (ooh, did i punch my self? maybe.. i am not sure :p)

mom : “hello dear, dont you forget something today?”| me: nope, everything is fine as usual, why mom?” |mom: “ohh … i thought u will give me a “happy bithday” word.. ahh its okay.. no big deal” |mom: “eh.. wh’a..mom……..sorry.. happy bday mom.. “…

now i know u guys got the point.. so i dont have to describe my totally foolish stuff moreover..

it took like days for preparing what i wanna do for the cake.. i was thinking it everywhere.. and smiling when i got brilliant ideas for decorating my cake. haha.. so funny to remember that moment. oh yeah.. i was totally NERVOUS! no kidding guys..

and tadaaaaaa…

This is it guys! but honestly maybe all of u have known it . i posted it via fb and twitter as well

i know for several of you will say : ohh okey, it looks like cake, at least.. but for me it is just like miracle. haha.. honestly it was. i was soo damn exicited! u want more ? i know that before u ask me .. 😉

wanna a slice ? sorry it already sold out the day after 😀

ohh please say that is a delicious cake guys.. i really appreciate that

thats it! my friends said it was delicious.. i trust them ! they told the truth for sure! haha..

let me give something i learned from making a cake..

  1. make sure you make a cake on a special moment. i mean, everything can be special such as you finish your exams, finish your presentation, finish your weekly target, so on.. just a simple things to be celebrated. because, for making cake, not cheap.. i mean the ingredients..
  2. make sure u are not on diet.. hahaha.. or if you are, invite your friends and ask them to help you out from those high-stock of calories.. nobody will refuse that kind of invitation! trust me 😉
  3. do it because YOU wanna do it.. dont do it because somebody ask you to do it. this is especially dedicated to the newbie like me. for you who think you can not cook and totally not good doing something in kitchen, let me tell you.. the first cake that you made give u a fact that u can do what u thought  you  were never able to do it. U DID it succesfully because the reason is made by you! u are having a passion during doing it! got my point guys?

haha… and then my second cake was coming in one week after..  dont be shocked.. you will understand why after you have your first delicious succesfully cake in your life..

unperfect on top.. but luckly, it had a shape 🙂

that is named by chopped apple raisin cake. yummy..

fiuhh,... succesfully baked

hmm.. i dont have a special reason for making this one.. just seemed like i enjoyed making it. apperently the ingredients are still enough for making another cake.

for this cake i had a problems. how can i eat all of it? finally my lab mates eat it in a week after. oh dont thing to much, my cake was fine on that time. and they said: oishii 🙂 oke just trust them, they told the truth. and my kohai told me like :

dia-san, please make more again someday.. i am really happy can taste your cake again next time.

i dont know either because he is my junior or he told the truth.. whatever! not my problem if he lies.. (*pretending he doesnt lie)

wow such a good reliever i can share experiences here on my blog.. i miss writing, indeed..

cake is one of several tools to make me realize that no impossible things in this world, if you have passion in doing such an impossible sugestion. I do it because i WANT to do it. I DONT push myself through it. why ?

because time is answering everything. life has stairs, steps to live. it just suddenly came to my mind that i am enjoying cooking.. i am enjoying making a cake.. and maybe someday i will enjoy what i dont enjoy today! just believe time will give me a path as long I learned from what i have gotten until today..

you never know if you are not trying.. while trying, u will learn something new.. and it allows you to change, to be better.. 

ohh good.. hope i can enjoy my saturday class tomorrow! ciayo for now.. 🙂

Categories: new experiences, Woman's Feeling | 4 Comments

You are Fireworks

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that tehre’s still a chance for you
Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gunna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gunna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gunna leave ’em goin “Oh, oh, oh!”

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

 

see ?! you are special and original! show your colors light bursting!!

Categories: Woman's Feeling | 1 Comment

U feel not special to everybody means u are not good in making friends

Is that true? honestly I feel it sometimes. Hard to make friends, at least for me.

when I looked around, i just realized that there are people who feel that they are more comfortable with animals etc than with friends. Dont u feel sometimes u are great when u are with your pets or your else-comfortable stuff ? for me, my camera makes me more comfortable, again, sometime.

when I wrote this topic, suddenly I realized that I am in a big trouble, because I am not good in making friends and enjoying my time with my camera more than with someone.

Lets be better and keep the balance of our mind and soul *bisa ngomong doang -_-

Categories: Woman's Feeling | Leave a comment

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